“ I’m just so f____n depressed, I just can’t seem to get out this slump, if I could just get over this hump but I need something to pull me out this dump. I took my bruises, took my lumps, fell down but I got right back up, but I need that spark to get syced back up in order for me to pick the mic back up. I don’t know how or why or when I ended up in this position I’m in“
It was 2009/2010. I had set goals for myself; I was determined not to get to a stage where I depended on a wheelchair to get around. I was currently getting around by walking and linking someone’s arm (chaining your arm around another’s). I found it a little ironic how, when I was in primary school, linking your best friend was seen as the ‘cool thing to do’, however I didn’t abide the laws of being cool; and tried to find a way to always escape these links; but now, I 100% depended on linking, for getting around.I pretended everything was alright; my life falling apart, didn’t matter; changes out of my control, didn’t bother me; no one to properly interact with, not an issue. Deep down I was falling apart. This only became apparent when issues of conversation would set me off crying.I had hit a new low in my life. Physiotherapy wasn’t meeting my expected results. I couldn’t relate to the majority of my class mates in school. I had no social life with the outside world. I couldn’t confide with anyone. The only thing I could turn to, without the feeling of being judged, was music.I was once a punk rock chick, listening to the likes of Green Day, blink 182, Good Charlotte. Then I was influenced by dance music, DJ Boonie and DJ Cammie were some of my favourites. I then turned to rap and R&B music, as I related to the lyrics so much during my battle. All I wanted was to find someone going through the same experiences I was; through music I found this.Eminem being one of my favourites. His music told my story, his tone resembled my anger; anger to God for giving me this problem, anger to the world for not caring, anger towards doctors who weren’t trying to find a cure for my illness that essentially had ruined my life.