Rollercoaster Won’t Stop

My first realisation that something had changed in my gait was, when I was 15, and reaching the end of my gaeltacht stay in 2008 (summer school focusing on teaching the Irish language). Everyone who attended were split into teams according to the house they were staying in, and given a challenge to create a song in Irish. We ended up winning and had our performance in the final recorded. Looking back at the performance recorded I noticed I had a limp in the video. This shocked me as I had never noticed this myself in reality.I originally wanted to have a career as a supermodel (what girl doesn’t). From the age of 12 to 15, I watched modelling shows on TV religiously.I knew immediately this limp could impact my hopeful career for modelling. As a young teen I looked up to Tyra Banks, the supermodel. I looked forward to every Monday, after school to watch a new episode of America’s Next Top Model. I too, had hopes that one day I would be given an opportunity to be a ‘top model’.

Being a supermodel included; fashion runways, model pictures, endorsing products and representing causes. I knew that my current walking issue would damage my chances of becoming the supermodel that I had hoped to be since the age of 12. At that moment I decided ‘I can always be a magazine modelone who doesn’t take part in fashion runways, who just stands and look pretty in front of a camera.

I had no idea of the journey I was about to be brought on. No idea that I had the power of changing how my future which was to unfold. The realisation that all of this damage to my body was a cause of this disease, re invading my brain, still hadn’t hit me. That I might have been able to change the seriousness of the final outcome. It all only clicked, when it was too late; I was 16/17 when I had my first MRI. There was no panic about what could be seen, as for many doctors, I was the first of my kind they had come across; and they did not know of what effect this would have. Although I am angry at doctors for allowing my U-turn in my progression of life. I thought doctors were supposed to help those in need, but in my eyes, not one doctor was helping me figure out how to solve this situation, they rather sat back and watched to see what would happen, instead of preventing it from happening. The blame cannot be put fully on doctors however, I take some responsibility for my fast deterioration. My attitude towards my physiotherapy was not of a serious enough manner. I was relying on a miracle to happen to fix this mess.

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